================================================= Expat Worlds Bi-Monthly Digest ================================================= 17 February, 2005 Vol. 7, Issue 03 .....IN THIS DIGEST..... ==== THE STORY =================== -=Letter from Thailand=- ==== OTHER EZINES ================ ==== EW SPECIAL ================== -=Survival Books=- ==== HUMOR, TRIVIA, NEWS AND MORE... == -=Trivia=- -=News Story=- -=Traveller's Tales=- -=Jokes=- ==== THE RESOURCE TIP ============= -=GhostMouse=- ==== INSIDE THIS MONTH EXPAT WORLD == -=Table of Content=- ==== THE STORY ================================== LETTER FROM THAILAND THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR PHUKET IS RETURN FOR A VISIT SOON! Expat World visited Phuket a few weeks after the Tsunami hit. We were flabbergasted by how soon the resilient Thais have got Patong Beach nearly back to normal. Outside of the beach road, the other 98 percent of Patong Beach was up and operating as normal but with only about 15 percent of the normal tourists. Value for money is at its highest. Everything is discounted. We encourage all our readers to plan a trip there ASAP for even though money has been donated from all over to help the Thais get back on their feet there is nothing like contributing directly by spending your money in the local economy. I don't know if most of our readers know that Phuket and Patong Beach in particular got off very lightly relatively speaking. A lot of loss of life unfortunately, but not that much physical damage to property. In places like Khao Lak, the water went up to 1.5 kilometers back from the beach with massive destruction. There were brand new two story hotels that have totally disappeared without trace. There are also a lot of homeless and heaps of orphans unfortunately. When Expat World was in Phuket on January 13th, Paul James, owner of the Expat Hotel held a raffle and fund raising bazaar one evening to raise funds for the more badly hit areas of Phuket as mentioned above. Some of the funds will also go towards housing and fishing nets for the Bang Tao area of Phuket, which was quite badly hit. It must be noted that the Thais have been tremendous through all of this and their disaster cleanup operation has been terrific. You couldn't plan a better vacation then to be with the Thais in Phuket. See you there! REVELATIONS IN THAILAND * There's a bar in Lamai, Koh Samui, Thailand, owned by an Irishman that has the following on his blackboard: BBQ's at the drop of a hat Fishing trips arranged Bad jokes in a strange dialect EW says they are certainly right about the last bit. * A group of expats were on a pub crawl through Patpong beach in Phuket. In one group was a Scotsman who was very tight with his money in buying his rounds of drinks. As the night went on visiting bar after bar and pounding more than a few beers and whiskies one of members of the group bet the Scotsman 3000 Baht that "David" - another member of the group – upon entering the next bar to be visited - could within 60 seconds of entering be getting a blow job. The bet was taken. The team leaves for the new bar minus David who about 10 minutes later on enters. "David", drunk but on task, walks over to a girl in a dark corner and low and behold in about 45 seconds the job's done. The Scottish visitor was totally shocked and paid up. What he didn't know was that one of the group had previously told the rankest bar girl in the "next" bar that if she could get "David" in the required position within 60 seconds of arrival she would get 1000 baht for the job. So the girl got the 1000 baht and we used the balance of the money to drink the rest of the night on the Scot. * A good friend of mine in Phuket has an interesting marriage to a Thai in as much as it seems to be fairly "open." He even maintains two homes – one for his wife and another in a village in the next beach town for his "away games." One night he got uproariously drunk, came home, made love to his wife, and still feeling very tipsy got up in the morning and went to work. That evening he came home and his wife asked him "how was your evening last night?" "Oh, Not bad," he said, " A couple of drinks with the boys...then straight to bed." "Then why did you leave 500 baht on my pillow?' she asked, still a bit mystified. * It's the habit of many male tourists coming to Thailand to "keep" a girl they have taken out from a bar for the duration of their holiday. A friend who happened to be with a girl now for 3-4 days was told by her that she wanted to take him to her home. Fine he said, where is it? Bangalore, she said What? Isn't that in India? That's a helleva way from Bangkok. :Don't worry she said, we will go in the morning. I know how to get there, but we must take some food with us." So early the next morning she gets us a tuk-tuk and I'm thinking we're on the way to the railway station. Fifteen minutes later we stop. "This one," she says. "We are here." "What is this then," I ask. "Is this supposed to be Bangalore." "Yes," she says, pointing proudly to a single-story house. "My very own Bangalore." I'm thinking: OH BUNGALOW! How stupid of me! * On the phone to my female travel agent one morning in Bangkok, who happens to be Filipino, the travel agent asked me, " are you interested in the fuckage deal, sir?" Fuckage deal??? Yes, it sound rather interesting... sign me up. OH, package deal! No wonder they can stamp out sex tourism there. * I walked down Soi Post office in Pattaya which is full of girlie bars. I spotted this really delicious young girl standing outside a bar, so I decided to stop and talk with her. "Hi beautiful girl, what's your name?' "Five hundred baht," she says. Obviously, a newcomer from the provinces. * AND FINALLY - I was walking around a market area in downtown Phuket City and saw this hand painted sign. 'Haircut & Massage' 350 baht 'Circumcision' 200 baht Guess one could save a few baht by partaking of the circumcision over the haircut: take a little off the top but leave it long on the sides. **** For our readers' information there are presently about 45 baht to the dollar. **** A GRAND OLD PLACE IN PHUKET The EXPAT HOTEL - A real treasure of a find at Patong Beach in Phuket Thailand. Located near the heart of the bar and entertainment area, you'll find a quaint motel like structure locate in a garden jungle centered around a swimming pool. Some of the most reasonable rates in Patong Beach. Clean rooms, 24 hour restaurant - hotel bar, great local and European food, free video movies in all rooms, Satellite TV, home of the Hash House Harriers describe this place. For rates and reservations email: info@expathotel.com. Tell them Expat World sent you. PS: The hotel suffered no damage from the recent Tsunami and Patong Beach is 98 percent up and running as normal. Come and enjoy the tremendous Thai hospitality. ==== OTHER EZINES =============================== ASIAN TIMES ONLINE Asia most trusted source for news, business,commentary and analysis from throughout Asia and our world. (www.atimes.com). ----- Subscribe now to the "Timely Time Management Tips" newsletter. Free tips sent to you to help you get more done in less time, with less stress. Send your email now to: mailto:timemanagement-subscribe@topica.com ----- japan-guide.com Extensive, up to date online guide on Japan living and travel related information. http://www.japan-guide.com/ ==== EW SPECIAL ================================= SURVIVAL BOOKS Thinking of buying property in Spain? Buying property in Florida? Buying a holiday house in France? Or wondering about moving to Australia? Wondering about the best way to find overseas jobs? These best-selling books are full of information about living abroad including: jobs and work abroad, retiring abroad, work permits for Shengen area counties and other lands, buying property abroad, overseas education or UK, cost of living abroad, obtaining a visa and/or work permit, the best places to live abroad, real estate investing, renting property, study abroad, corporate relocation, business travel, expatriate living, moving abroad and much, much more. Go to and check it out! ==== HUMOR, TRIVIA, NEWS AND MORE... ================ NEWS STORIES Singaporeans Seek Chaste Valentine's Day SINGAPORE (Reuters) - As Valentine's Day stoked the embers of romance worldwide, a group of Singaporeans began a campaign urging couples to curb their ardor and abstain from sex. A Christian group launched Monday a week-long Abstinence Awareness Campaign on the island, which has one of Asia's lowest birth rates and has ranked for three straight years near the bottom of condom-maker Durex's survey of sexually active nations. Nearly 200 volunteers from the Christian "Focus on The Family" group fanned out across the city-state, selling wristbands bearing the message "Worth Waiting For" and collecting pledges from teenagers to stay chaste until marriage. "We hope that the street sales will raise awareness about abstaining from sexual acts and tell young people that they have what it takes to save themselves until they are married," said one organizer Joanna Koh-Hoe. "We want to let them know that it is cool to save themselves for marriage," she said. The campaign follows a rise in teenage abortions and an increase in HIV (news - web sites)-AIDS (news - web sites) infections among youths. But some youth doubted the tactic will work even in a society as strait-laced as Singapore, whose government maintains strict censorship controls, including bans on magazines such as "Playboy" and where oral sex between men is a crime. "I really doubt the effectiveness of this campaign," said 25-year-old Phillip Ng. "To have premarital sex or not is a lifestyle decision and wearing a band on your wrist for a day is not going to lead to a change in your mindset." About 6,000 chastity bands have been sold at S$2 ($1.22) each and the proceeds will help fund the group's activities, such as a "No Apologies" workshop -- a four-hour course which urges youths between the ages of 13-20 to remain virgins. Organizers said over 15,000 teenagers have attended the workshop and nearly 80 percent have signed a pledge not to have premarital sex. --- Neighbours blasted with cock BEFORE leaving on holiday, a German couple set up a loudspeaker and timer with the sound of a crowing cock to blast their neighbours every morning. After complaints, police in the northern town of Itzehoe obtained a warrant to enter the house and discovered the gear with the speakers aimed at the neighbours' home and rigged to a timer. "The apparatus switched on between two and four o'clock in the morning and produced a cock crowing at an enormous volume. This would last for 20 minutes with breaks in between," police said. Police confiscated the gear and charged the holidaymakers, who are still away, with bodily harm and disturbing the peace. The neighbours had no history of antagonism. --- China running short of toilet paper SURGING demand for toilet paper in China has some of the nation's suppliers in a flush, state press said. "I'm happy to see many young people adopt paper tissues for the convenience, which is a sign that reflects our social development and has helped improve our industry," Wang Yueqin, vice-director of Shanghai Paper Trade Association, said. But Wang, quoted in the China Daily, said he was "beginning to worry about the large wood consumption" and the industry needed to consider other technologies and uses. "We are trying to encourage the application of new materials and technologies," he said, pointing to one factory in Jiangsu province now making toilet paper from straw. Another in southern Guangxi has managed to produce tissues from sugarcane. Wealthy Shanghai is a particularly heavy user of toilet paper and tissues. "The 140,000 tons of tissues and toilet paper Shanghai uses every year consumes some 80,000 tons of wood pulp, equal to about 300,000 tons of wood," said Wang. One textile merchant said he hoped the pressure would reinvigorate use of the handkerchief, at least for runny noses. "In Shanghai, only old people and some office ladies use handkerchiefs," said Song Junliang, an official at the Shanghai Household Textile Industry Association. ----- Man with Tumor Robs Banks for Inheritance ROME (Reuters) - Diagnosed with incurable lung cancer, a 53-year-old Italian father robbed more than 10 banks so he could build a big enough inheritance to leave to his children. The married storekeeper, who once sold dresses in the north-eastern town of Savona, netted an estimated 115,000 euros (about $150,000) after turning to a life of crime, according to Italian media reports. "They diagnosed me in 2003 with an incurable disease ... I didn't want to leave my family with financial problems," he told police, leading Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera reported. Police described the robber as "a pleasant person, well cultured," who would appear in banks with a bag that he claimed was full of plastic explosives. The bluff worked, so well in fact, that he robbed one bank in the city of Turin three times. Corriere said he would also strap wires to his body and pretend to be a suicide bomber. "I have explosives on and this is a robbery," he would write on a note and slip it to the teller, newspaper Il Secolo XIX wrote. The paper said he had lung cancer. Police were hot on his trail after the crime spree began in July 2003. Then, suddenly in October, the bank robberies halted. "I was recovering from treatment in the hospital," he confessed after his arrest. Beyond jail time, the father of three could also be forced to give back to the banks the 115,000 euro inheritance he stole. ----- Oxymoron: Plastic Glasses ----- If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers? -- Calvin Trillin ----- Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day. -- Harry S. Truman ----- What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track? The Indy 500. ----- A Guide to the Identification and Classification of North American Farts Learning- or better still, thinking up- names for fart types is a traditional early-adolescent ritual. Similarly, methods of identifying the source of a fart are a subject of peer-group, or tribal, speculation, the usual rule of thumb being "Who smelled it, dealt it," or "The smeller's the feller." Occasionally, this oral tradition has acheived the level of Xerox publication, but never before has a systematic analysis, along the lines of Jane's Fighting ships or A Field Guide to the Birds, been attempted in print. Tentatively, then, we present the following. Blind Farts: Traditional noiseless reekers. (Expression since circa 1880 - see also "SBD's"). Boomers: Full-throated, rousing explosions; the parent orginism frequently betrays his or her authorship with a smile of ill-conceled pride. Carpet Creepers: Heavier- than- air creations, these linger and permeate the atmosphere at or near ground level; source invariably anonymous, having left the room. Fizzles: Efforts at first promising, but eventually unsatisfactory, at least to the donor; often effective upon bystanders. Often the last of a series; originator betrays disappointment. Fudgies: See Wet Ones. One-Cheek Sneaks: Attempted surreptitous contributions, usually signified BY the the artist's "tilting". Ricocheting off metal "bridge chairs" or church pews, they posses satisfactory resonance, produce blushes, giggles, glares. Poohs: Open-spincter donations, gusty and full-bodied, but lacking sonority; popular on buses; customarily unaknowledged. SBD's: (Silent But Deadly type). Consistant with the Law of Conservation of Energy, what SBD lacks in audible qualities is compensated for in a semi-lethal olfactory intensity. The mechanism responsible is usually the innocent-looking person glancing about suspiciously. Screamers: High-pitched, tight-spincter offerings, often of astonishing duration and tonal variations; most pleasuribly exchanged among roomates or frat brothers, or inspired by presence of officious bureaucrat. Sliders: See One-Cheek Sneaks. Squeegies: Small, immature, and moist products. Humiliating for all concerned. Wet Ones: (aka Brewer's Farts, Fudgies, Playing Misty). Samples are accompnied by gutteral, rasping, or lisping sound, indicating vaporous content. Originator registers astonishment, dred, then departs, walking funny. Whiffers: see Poohs. ==== THE RESOURCE TIP ============================ GhostMouse GhostMouse 2.0 records system-level mouse events that can be played back so the computer can execute and operate applications on its own. GhostMouse can be placed in the Windows startup group so preprogrammed tasks are carried out when Windows starts up. v2.0 offers improved performance, two new features, and smaller program size. Get it at ==== INSIDE THIS MONTH EXPAT WORLD =============== EXPAT WORLD NEWSLETTER (VOL.17 ISSUE 02) Table of Content: - EW REPEATS A THEME: RETIREES FIND MORE FOR LESS IN PANAMA - BITS & PIECES - THE EXPAT ARTIST - IN OTHER LANGUAGES - THE BEST AND WORST TIPPERS - AROUND THE WORLD WITH EXPAT WORLD - FREEDOM AND PRIVACY - WAKE UP AMERICA - THE HOMELAND SECURITY STATE - THE MILITARY BRINGS IT ALL BACK HOME - EVERY WO/MAN A G-MAN - EXPAT WORLD'S WORLD OF TRAVEL - PASSPORTS - PASSPORTS - IMPROVING YOUR PICTURE - DIFFERENT TYPES OF PASSPORT - PASSPORTS - WHERE TO GET THEM - EXTRA PASSPORT INFORMATION & WHAT'S NEEDED - QUICK PASSPORTS, LOW TAXES. - SECTION 2 - ID PAPERS - TRAVEL IDENTITY DOCUMENT OR NATIONAL ID CARD - ID CARDS, LIFESTYLE IDENTITY DOCUMENTS, WORK/LEISURE ID'S - TYPES OF CARDS AVAILABLE - INTERNATIONAL SNIPS AND CLIPS - LETTER FROM THAILAND - REVELATIONS IN THAILAND - A GRAND OLD PLACE IN PHUKET - TAXING MATTERS - CRAPPER RAPPER YOU MISSING SO MUCH Each week the EXPAT WORLD DIGEST gives you just a smattering of what you can find in the EXPAT WORLD newsletter that we produce once a month. Why not get the whole story and subscribe now to our electronic version for just US $30 per year. Go to our website: www.expatworld.net to sign up. ********************************************************************* EXPAT WORLD - the newsletter of international living URL - http://www.expatworld.net Email - office@expatworld.net ---------- End of Expat World Digest --------------------------------