================================================= Expat Worlds Bi-Monthly Digest ================================================= 2 November, 2004 Vol. 6, Issue 18 .....IN THIS DIGEST..... ==== THE STORY =================== -=The Truth About America=- ==== OTHER EZINES ================ ==== EW SPECIAL ================== -=Camouflage Passports=- ==== HUMOR, TRIVIA, NEWS AND MORE... == -=Trivia=- -=News Story=- -=Traveller's Tales=- -=Jokes=- ==== THE RESOURCE TIP ============= -=SpywareBlaster=- ==== INSIDE THIS MONTH EXPAT WORLD == -=Table of Content=- ==== THE STORY ================================== THE TRUTH ABOUT AMERICA An American Little boy asks his Daddy.... * Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq? A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction. * Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction. A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them. * Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq? A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections. * Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we? A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election. * Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction? A: To use them in a war, silly. * Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them? A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves. * Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons with which they could have fought back? A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense. * Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did. A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway. * Q: And what was that? A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country. *Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country? A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people. * Q: Kind of like what they do in China? A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer. * Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people? A: Right. * Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured? A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured. * Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China? A: I told you, China is different. * Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq? A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist. * Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad? A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad. * Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad? A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured. * Q: Like in Iraq? A: Exactly. * Q: And like in China, too? A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not. * Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor? A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.* * Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists? A: Don't be too smart. * Q: I didn't think I was being one. A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba. * Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement? A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway. * Q: What's a military coup? A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States. * Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup? A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend. * Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate? A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate. * Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader? A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan * Q. Why did we invade Afghanistan? A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th. * Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th? A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans. * Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that? A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban. * Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands? A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too. * Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001? A. Yes, because they did a good job fighting drugs. * Q: Fighting drugs? A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies. * Q: How did they do such a good job? A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off. * Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for other reasons? A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread. * Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia? A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply. * Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too? A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering. * Q: What's the difference? A. The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and fingers. *Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name. A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends. * Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia. A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan. * Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia. A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan. * Q: Who trained them? A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden. * Q: Was he from Afghanistan? A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man. * Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once. A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s. * Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about? A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now. * Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends? A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either. * Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too? A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast. * Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do? A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade. * Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s? A: Well, yeah. For a while. * Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then? A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily. * Q: Why did that make him our friend? A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy. * Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds? A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend. * Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend? A: Most of the time, yes. * Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy? A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better. ==== OTHER EZINES =============================== ASIAN TIMES ONLINE Asia most trusted source for news, business,commentary and analysis from throughout Asia and our world. (www.atimes.com). ----- Subscribe now to the "Timely Time Management Tips" newsletter. Free tips sent to you to help you get more done in less time, with less stress. Send your email now to: mailto:timemanagement-subscribe@topica.com ----- japan-guide.com Extensive, up to date online guide on Japan living and travel related information. http://www.japan-guide.com/ ==== EW SPECIAL ================================= CAMOUFLAGE PASSPORTS WHAT IS A CAMOUFLAGE PASSPORT? A Camouflage Passport looks exactly like a real passport but the issuer is a non-existent country, but at one time did exist. It has a richly authentic vinyl cover which is embossed with gold lettering. It contains your photo, entry/exit stamps, as well as a registration number and official seal. And that's not all! For maximum authenticity your passport comes with its own security hologram. In fact, it looks just like a real passport. The only thing is that the country that issued the passport no longer exists. WHY YOU NEED ONE! Darwin noted that the most effective life forms survived by use of camouflage. The Camouflage Concept has been created to identify you as an unimportant tourist from a small, harmless country. It is legal to use in a hijack or kidnap situation but has no official status. It is to be used only as an instrument for your personal protection. Many government officials use them to protect their identity when travelling. Get the details at or email us with "CamoPP" in the subject line. ==== HUMOR, TRIVIA, NEWS AND MORE... ================ NEWS STORIES Taxpayer Dies After Official Error WARSAW (Reuters) - A Polish taxpayer died from a heart attack after a demand for immediate payment in full of 80,000 zlotys ($23,560) following a mistake by the tax office. Locksmith Zbigniew Macewicz died during a hearing in the central city of Bydgoszcz, where tax collectors demanded 80,000 zlotys because he failed to keep to a restructuring agreement. But, in fact, the tax office had miscalculated one payment, telling Macewicz to pay 8.80 zlotys less than he should have and thus putting him in arrears on his repayment schedule. The government expressed regret over the incident. "I express my deep regret at the taxpayer's death," deputy Finance Minister Stanislaw Stec was quoted by the Gazeta Wyborcza daily as saying in Bydgoszcz, where he was sent to look into the matter. He ordered an internal audit of the city's tax authorities. --- Man drink-drives lawn mower A 50-year-old British man has lost his licence after being caught drink-driving on a lawn mower. A court in Cheltenham, England, suspended Michael Mennell's driving licence for a year and ordered him to pay a fine of £250 ($617). Mennell, who admitted his guilt, seemed unperturbed. "I don't drive a car much so the ban won't bother me. If I need to go anywhere, my mates will give me a lift," he said. --- Now, if Supporters Can Just Remember to Vote ANCHORAGE (Reuters) - Voters in Alaska will decide on Tuesday whether to make their state the first in the country to legalize the sale, possession or use of marijuana by adults. Alaska already allows legal possession of small amounts of marijuana by adults, the most liberal policy among the 50 U.S. states, thanks to a 1975 state Supreme Court ruling. "Our territory and now state has traditionally been the home of people who prize their individuality and who have chosen to settle or to continue living here in order to achieve a measure of control over their own lifestyles which is now virtually unattainable in many of our sister states," the oft-quoted ruling said. Supporters say further decriminalizing pot would allow local governments and the state to regulate and tax it and free up police to pursue serious crimes. "This is a very broad initiative that says, instead of the prohibition model, let's try the regulation model," said David Finkelstein, a former state Democratic lawmaker helping to organize the initiative campaign for Tuesday's election. Opponents of the measure argue full legalization would be a step backward for Alaska, a state of about 650,000 people, which has an extremely high rate of substance abuse, including the use of marijuana by youths. Tuesday's initiative will be the third in six years asking Alaska voters about marijuana policy. In 1998, voters approved a ballot measure legalizing medical marijuana, but two years later they rejected one that would have legalized the drug and mandated financial restitution for people convicted in the past of marijuana offenses. Alaska's initiative is one of three marijuana questions on ballots across the country. In Oregon, voters are being asked to expand allowable medical marijuana use, and voters in Montana will decide whether to become the 10th state to legalize its medical use. Pro-initiative groups said no opinion polls had been taken on the measure. But if the initiative passes, Alaska's Legislature will be responsible for defining how to regulate marijuana, in the same way the state decides on alcohol restrictions. After the 1975 ruling, the Legislature defined a "small amount" of marijuana as 4 ounces (114 grams). With financial backing from the Marijuana Policy Project, a group funded partly by billionaire philanthropist George Soros, the initiative group has used television advertisements and mailings to emphasize Alaskans' love for personal freedoms. Initiative opponents fume at the idea marijuana use has anything to do with Alaskan individuality, although they admit the argument is powerful. "In Alaska, fiction has always won out over fact," said Matt Fagnani, president of an Anchorage drug-testing company and chairman of a group called Alaskans Against the Legalization of Marijuana and Hemp. ----- TRAVELLER'S TALES LUCK NOW IN LUCKNOW: A political party in India was decimated after members forgot to prune the "bad luck" trees around their headquarters in Lucknow. Although the grove of Ashok trees was a safe distance away from the Congress Party's Nehru Bhawan compound in Uttar Pradesh, the trees grew so tall that their shadows fell on the building. The apparent result was that the party has been in steep decline for nearly 15 years. No one realized what the trouble was until some Hindu religious experts were recently brought in to check the premises. They saw how the shadows of the trees stroked the building and were horrified. (An ancient epic poem says Sita was held captive by Ravana in a grove of Ashok trees.) Party workers armed with saws and axes swarmed up the line of 60 trees and cut them back from 17 metres in height to 12, the local press reported. Older members recalled that the trees had been pruned in 1980s, shortly before their party--then headed by Indira Gandhi--returned dramatically to power. The tree-trimming could do nothing but good, members agreed. Party spokesman Satish Ajmani said: "It will ward off evil spirits and bolster the party's prospects in the elections." ----- Oxymoron: waste management ----- George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles. -- Author Unknown ----- If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. -- Jay Leno ----- A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking." ----- A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again. One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today." ==== THE RESOURCE TIP ============================ SpywareBlaster 3.2 Prevent spyware from installing in the first place! Spyware, adware, browser hijackers, and dialers are some of the fastest-growing threats on the Internet today. 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Get it at . ==== INSIDE THIS MONTH EXPAT WORLD =============== EXPAT WORLD NEWSLETTER (VOL.16 ISSUE 08) Table of Content: - THE WORLD'S TOP RETIREMENT HAVEN - PANAMA'S A BARGAIN - 2004 GLOBAL RETIREMENT INDEX - PRESTIGIOUS MAIL DROP ADDRESS - MORE MAIL DROPS IF SINGAPORE DOESN'T SUIT YOU - PASSPORTS BY MAIL - BELIZE -- LIVE ON AS LITTLE AS $450 A MONTH - TERROR LINKS SAUDI ARABIA AGAIN - TAXING MATTERS - THE PAPER TIGER -THE IRS - IRS BACKS OFF - MALTA CLAIMS NOT TO BE A TAX HAVEN - BIG BROTHER AND PRIVACY MATTERS - BIG BROTHER WANTS TO WATCH - OFFSHORE NEWS - PANAMA YANKS DIPLOMATIC PASSPORTS - SWISS MAY END DUAL NATIONALITY RIGHT - BIG BROTHER HONES IN ON CANADIAN VISA CARD HOLDERS - INTERNATIONAL SNIPS AND CLIPS - EXPAT WORLD'S WORLD OF TRAVEL - CRAPPER RAPPER - BUSH OR KERRY? - STIR-FRIED RATS, ANYONE? - WRITTEN ON THE CRAP HOUSE WALLS - READ THIS EVEN IF IT LOOKS WIERD - THE TRUTH ABOUT AMERICA YOU MISSING SO MUCH Each week the EXPAT WORLD DIGEST gives you just a smattering of what you can find in the EXPAT WORLD newsletter that we produce once a month. Why not get the whole story and subscribe now to our electronic version for just US $30 per year. Go to our website: www.expatworld.net to sign up. ********************************************************************* EXPAT WORLD - the newsletter of international living URL - http://www.expatworld.net Email - office@expatworld.net ---------- End of Expat World Digest --------------------------------