================================================= Expat Worlds Monthly Digest ================================================= June, 2002 Vol. 4, Issue 5 .....IN THIS DIGEST..... ==== THE STORY =================== (Compliment from the Expat World Newsletter) -=International Snips and Clips=- ==== EW SPECIAL ================== -="Free Reading Samples=- ==== HUMOR, TRIVIA, NEWS AND MORE... == -=Trivia=- -=News Story=- -=Traveller's Tales=- -=Jokes=- ==== THE RESOURCE TIP ============= -=SpyBot-Search & Destroy=- ==== INSIDE THIS MONTH EXPAT WORLD == -=Table of Content=- ==== THE STORY ================================== INTERNATIONAL SNIPS AND CLIPS ALL THE WAY WITH JFK "I get a migraine headache if I don't get a strange piece of ass every day." JFK *** Would you please shop around and see who these belong to? They're not my size." Jackie Kennedy to JFK about a pair of panties she found in her bed *** Four Star Prison - According to London's Daily Telegraph, Greenland operates probably the world s most inmate-friendly prison (with all residents having jobs on the outside at market wages and enjoying recreational rehabilitation such as fishing and shopping), emphasizing rehabilitation over punishment; (though its recidivist rate isn't any better than any other prisons). Guards do take up arms, but only on weekend hunting trips; when the inmates themselves are-armed. The main advantage of the system seems to be that court sessions are brief', in that criminals, not fearing prison, usually confess to everything. *** Insurance of the Weird London's Goodfellows company made the news again in September by selling two more whimsical insurance policies: model Claire Roe's coverage (for about $350 ~ year) against loss of beauty ($170,000 payout), and the male strippers troupe Dreamboys' coverage (premium, about $15,000 a year) to pay off if their genitals are injured by fans ($1.2 million coverage). Among the firm's most popular policies: the Alien All Risks package (about $400 a year for $1.7 million coverage) for being abducted or impregnated by an alien, which GoodfeIlows has sold to 40,000 people (Fifteen thousand women bought Y2K immaculate conception insurance in 1999, fearful they would be called upon to give birth to the messiah.) *** HOW TO USE CHOPSTICS Take one chopstick and place it between the base of your thumb and your hand, extending outward between your middle and ring fingers. Grasp the other chopstick with the tips of your thumb and index finger. Now, holding the two sticks parallel, raise them over your head and signal to the waiter that you would like him to please bring you a fork. *** The cover of Colorado Free University's latest course catalog pictures a Japanese swordsman in traditional uniform wielding a large sword. The picture, submitted by a teacher of Japanese fencing and martial arts, has caused a stir. Many local residents called and wrote letters protesting the "Arabian soldier." Others complained the catalogue looked like a terrorist publication. Said one caller, "I'm going to protest your college until you don't have no more college students going to your college." *** 2 WHO ATE HUMAN BODY PARTS FREED TWO men allegedly ate human body parts, washed down with a bottle of wine, but were freed by a Cambodian provincial court yesterday because there is no law against cannibalism. The two men, both crematorium workers were arrested last week for eating fingers and toes of a body they were cremating. *** Number of "weapons of mass destruction" allowed in space, according to a 1967 treaty ratified by the United States: 0 *** Big Mac-do-not PARIS - Too many Big Macs could lead to and be harmful to your health, the US fast-food giant, McDonald's, said in an advertising campaign it launched in France yesterday. The global chain, often maligned in France for offering mal bouffe, or bad food, to the masses, is responding to the fact that 16 per cent of French children are overweight or obese - double the number from 10 years ago. Mr Efienne Aussedat, spokesman for the group in France, said the chain had consulted nutritionists, who advised that parents not bring their children to McDonald's more than once a week. *** 'Our focus is making sure the bad guys in Washington don't change the culture of beer, Let them know we will do everything we can to return pro-beer incumbents to the House and Senate.' - David Rehr Washington lobbyist for beer wholesalers, on beer taxes. *** AMERICA'S LEADERS SPEAK ABOUT SEX HOW TO HANDLE ACCUSATIONS Disdain them: "Madam, I may be president of the United States, but my private life is nobody's damned business."-Chester A. Arthur *** Admit them: "Whatever you do, tell the truth."-Grover Cleveland to his campaign manager after he was accused of fathering a child out of wedlock: *** Deny them: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." -Bill Clinton, regarding his friend-in-fellatio Monica Lewinsky *** Parse them: "I haven't done anything that I regard as unfaithful to my wife, the only woman I have had coital sex with in the 20 years we've been married."- Senator Chuck Robb *** "I spent my soul in kisses, crushed upon your scarlet mouth/Oh! My red-lipped, sunbrowned sweetheart, dark-eyed daughter of the South."-Lines from a love poem by Herbert Hoover *** "Are you prepared for the storm of lovemaking with which you will be assailed?"-Woodrow Wilson in a letter to his wife "It is a good thing I am not woman-I would always be pregnant. I can't say no." -Warren G. Harding *** CONGRESSIONAL CONTRIBUTIONS "I'm serious. Anyone who want to put a tail on me, go ahead They'd be very bored."-Senator Gary Hart *** "You can always teach 'em to type, but you can't teach 'em to grow tits."-Representative Charles Wilson of Texas on why he hired beautiful women as secretaries *** WHAT THEIR LOVERS SAY "Lyndon looked at me like I was an ice-cream cone on a hot day." -Madeleine Brown who claims she had a 20-year affair with Johnson and bore him a son *** "He ate pussy like a champ. I'd have to say, 'Whoa, boy, come on up here.' "-Gennifer Flowers *** I see -Kennedy has changed his position on offshore drilling." - Senator Howell Heflin, after seeing a photo in the National Enquirer of Ted Kennedy on top of a woman in a boat *** "Well, I've got old Jumbo here and need to give him some exercise. I wonder who I'll fuck tonight?" - Johnson, stepping out of the shower, to his brother *** "All I will say is that I was Frank's pimp and Frank was Jack's. It sounds terrible now but then it was a lot of fun."-Peter Lawford, speaking of salad days with Sinatra and JFK *** "I want her name and number. We may avert war tonight" JFK during the Cuban missile crisis, asking Defense Secretary Robert Mc-Namara for a secretary's number *** "I'll always love you. I . . . I . . . God, feel such super love for you. By the way, the newsletter should start arriving."-Then-Representative Don Riegle of Michigan, while having sex with a staffer who was secretly tape-recording him *** Indefinite detention without charge under new Aussie law The Australian government is set to introduce new antiterrorism legislation which will allow the authorities to detain people indefinitely without charging them or providing access to a lawyer. The ~laws would also permit them to strip-search children as young as 10. Journalists, doctors and even priests could also be jailed if they refuse to provide information about a terrorist suspect A parliamentary committee which is currently hearing submissions on the impact of the Bill has been told that people could, in theory, be held indefinitely under the legislation. Mr Keith Holland, of the Attorney General's Department, admitted there was no limit on how many times a 48-hour warrant could be renewed. Officers from the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation (Asio) would be able to detain and interrogate suspects who could be sent to jail for five years if they refused to answer questions, -the committee heared. Asio director-general Dennis Richardson said the laws "could prove crucial in preventing a terrorist attack", dismissing suggestions that it would turn his organisation into a secret police force. *** While conceding that the new laws were extraordinary, he told the committee: "The proposed amendments to the Asio Act are directed squarely at those whose targets of choice are innocent civilians and who seek to deny the most basic of human rights - that is the right of human life itself." However, critics of the so-called Asio Legislation Amendment (Terrorism) Bill believe the legislation could whittle away basic personal freedoms and remove long-established legal rights that Australians take for granted. Law Council president Tony Abbott said the proposed new law offfeded fundamental civil rights. *** Kohl has a sizzling hot time in Israel SYMBOLIC ISRAELI OFFERING JERUSALEM - It was a hot time for former German Chancellor Helmut Kohl at the residence of Israel's President on Wednesday, an Israeli official said. Mr Kohl was visiting Mr Moshe Katsav when a delegation of Israeli farmers came to offer him a selection of home grown vegetables, a symbolic treat to mark the Jewish holiday of Shavuot. The Israeli President invited the ex-chancellor, who is in Israel on a lecture tour, to join the holiday ceremony. Spotting a red pepper, Mr Katsav picked it up and told Mr Kohl that if he has any real political enemies, he should offer them the pepper. Mr Katsa does not speak German, Mr Kohl does not speak Hebrew, and apparently something got lost in the translation. The ex-chancellor took a huge bite out of the pepper. Within seconds, he had turned red, was gasping for breath and perspiring heavily. Mr Katsav's aides brought Mr Kohl a large glass of water and doused the diplomatic fire, the official said. *** Barry's Underground tavern near Omaha went up for sale; it had been built in 1961 by dairyman I Gordon Roberts as a bomb shelter for 250 head of his Cattle. *** A mother, frustrated that a Sallie Ma~ loan office would not believe that her debtor-son was deceased, mailed them the cremation certificate and two teaspoons of his ashes, which not only was inadequate proof but caused a full anthrax panic (Wilkes-Barre, PA). *** Descendants of the 19th century feuding Hatfields and McCoys resumed battling, in court, over whether McCoys are being blocked from a cemetery whose main access is controlled by the Hatfields (Pikeville; KY) *** Deputies subdued a man after a 10-minute shootout, which he provoked, he said, because he was irritable after a long bout of constipation (Bloomington, IL) *** You won't Believe What GUM Can Do! Chewing gum makes you SMARTER. People who chew gum have better memories and do better on tests. A study conducted at Britain's University of Northumbria and the Cognitive Research Unit has concluded that chewing gum actually has a positive effect on thinking and memory. "The results were extremely clear, and specifically we found that chewing gum targeted memory," researcher Andrew Scholey told Reuters. "People recalled more words and performed better in tests on working memory." The particular flavor of the gum made no difference. The important factor was the repetitive chewing motion. But … how? How does gum make us think better? Scholey said he thinks gum improves memory by increasing the heart rate and providing a surge in insulin to the brain. *** Detroit Cleveland without the glitter. -ANONYMOUS *** GREEN BAY In Green Bay, Wisconsin, ten bowling shirts are considered a great wardrobe. - GREG KOCH *** MONTANA In Montana, Velveeta cheese is in the gourmet section of the supermarket. - STUEY STONE *** FLORIDA Florida was the only wilderness in the world that attracted middle-aged pioneers. - JOHN McPHEE *** The land of phlegm. -STUEY STONE *** My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law. - JERRY SEINFELD ==== EW SPECIAL ================================= FREE READING SAMPLES The W.G. Hill 'PT' Collection Many of our Expat World Digest & Expat World Newsletter reader know already this ultimate book collection on CD-Rom. For all other we have compiled these reading samples in PDF format. 1. PT (Perpetual Traveler, etc.) - 230k 2. The Passport Report - 239k 3. Portable Trades and Occupations - 207k 4. The Invisible Investor - 186k 5. How to Become a Honorary Consul - 159k Go to for details. ==== HUMOR, TRIVIA, NEWS AND MORE... ================ TRIVIA This is the only place you can see the sun rise on the Pacific Ocean and set on the Atlantic Ocean: A: Yucatan Peninsula B: Cuba C: Australia D: Panama Canal Plutonic rocks are formed? A: from volcanoes B: from sedimentary rock under high pressure C: deep underground D: on the Earth's surface (Anwers below) ----- NEWS STORY A university professor attended a boozy lunch at a research group meeting in Japan, and then headed back to work. Bad idea. He drunkenly staggered into the lecture hall at Kyushi Sangyo University and attempted to give a talk on marketing. After students complained, university officials suspended the 52-year-old marketing professor for two months, I heard from reader Aiden Foster-Carter. Undergraduates said that the lecture was rambling and incoherent, and the handwriting on the blackboard was illegible. So, no change there. ----- TRAVELLER'S TALES VISIBILITY: The old joke about the see food diet--"When I see food, I eat it"--becomes hard fact at a diving resort near Sharm el Sheikh in Egypt, reports reader Ken Park. ----- What do you call a female art teacher that doesn't shave? .. a hairy potter ----- "I don't make jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts." - Will Rogers ----- A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push. "Not a chance" says the husband - "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was it?" asks his wife. "Just a drunken stranger asking for a bloody push" he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "NO, I didn't - it's three in the morning and raining like shit outside!" "Well you've got a short memory" says his wife."Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him." The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark. "Hello-are you still there?" "Yes," comes the answer. "Do you still want a push?"calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" the drunk replies. ----- TRIVIA ANSWER This is the only place you can see the sun rise on the Pacific Ocean and set on the Atlantic Ocean: The correct answer: D (At the Panama Canal, the Pacific is east of the Atlantic) Plutonic rocks are formed? The correct answer: C (deep underground; The igneous rock formed on the surface is called volcanic) ==== THE RESOURCE TIP ============================ SPYBOT_SEARCH & DESTROY SpyBot-S&D searches your harddisk for so-called spy- or adbots; little modules that are responsible for the ads many programs show. But many of these modules also transmit information about your surfing behaviour and more to the net. If SpyBot-S&D finds such modules, it can remove them - or replace them with empty dummies in case their host won't work any more with its bot removed. In most cases, the host software still runs after removing the bot. Best of all it's FREE. Check it out at: http://patrick.kolla.de/spybotsd.html ==== INSIDE THIS MONTH EXPAT WORLD =============== EXPAT WORLD NEWSLETTER (VOL.14 ISSUE 6) Table of Content: - Change Your Name Easily, Legally, Cheaply and With No Hassle by Signing a Deed Pole - Adult Deed Pole Application - The Solomon Island Wants You! - Moving Your Money Through The "First National Bank of Hawala." - Corruption It's All Over the Globe It's Just a Matter of Degree - International Snips and Clips - The 2001 Corruption Perceptions Index - The Bribe Payers Index - Crapper Rapper - Terrorist and Suicide - Revenge -- A True Story YOU MISSING SO MUCH Each week the EXPAT WORLD DIGEST gives you just a smattering of what you can find in the EXPAT WORLD newsletter that we produce once a month. Why not get the whole story and subscribe now to our electronic version for just US $30 per year. 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